warning: friends and family- I am okay. some of this content may be a bit of a shock but i have decided to be honest with all of you.

lets see, in 2011, I…

entered it completly out of my mind intoxicated, and not the good kind (is there any?)
had a major freak out, maybe two with people that were friends at one time.
went through facing a drug addiction
went through the most intense feelings in my life, called withdrawl. 
moved out of the worst living situation, to make sure i didn’t surround myself with temptation. (sidenote: i believe to rid all temptation is to completely get rid of it all together)
so i did, i left the house, i left my friends, even the ones that didnt do drugs. being around them reminded me of the countless nights numbing myself into oblivion. drooling on myself, being a complete idiot, and people wondering why. hurting them without knowing, because i didn’t realize how much i was hurting myself.

but in 2011 i improved my well being. with a deep scar of the past. which led me to making me stronge, but also taking my mind to the darkest of places.
i joined a team, moved in with those girls, and honestly that saved my life. those girls became my family and i am so thankful for them in so many ways.

in 2011 i let my walls down to someone who i wasted it all on. for someone who was never actually there for the start. sometimes i think i made him up. at least what i liked about him. in 2011 i was a fool, blinded by love and also blinded by hate. on again off again. feeling so alone, hell sounded like a vacation. I felt more empty, sad, angry, just SO fucking angry more with him, than being without him. and i hope that no one goes through that. It felt like my heart dropped straight to my feet and every single vain pumped battery acid throughout my body, stinging with it ruthless needle.  It felt like an addiction, and half of me thinks that i tried to mend the wounds of addiction through him, and became just as addicted to him. it was worthless, and stupid. and i hope i’ve learned. this took an entire fucking year and then some! but like i did before, i got rid of all temptation, and i know i will find someone else worth my time and who will actually try to love me, even after all the wrong i’ve done. i hope. but im content with ridding him of my life. not a day goes by where i dont think about my past history with using, or with him, but i move on with my head held high, pushing them behind me.

in 2011 i grew stronger. i worked my 5th year as a camp counselor, reunited with the best friends i’ve ever had. the friends that saved my youth. and the children that gave me a reason for living. i wouldnt give up that life for the world, but i have to move onto being a “big girl.” keeping that wonderful place in my heart, and using it to live on the way that i lived on top of that hill. 

in 2011 i realized, i have to get rid of all the poisonious beings and things in my life to work on my way to my own happiness. I realized i need to go back to theapy, or something, to find my inner peace. some of the things i do are not healthy, and the way i treat some people is not helpful to them or my own health.

so in 2011 i tried to apologize, through this blog, as lame as it may be, writing is the only way i feel as if all the conscious and subconscious thoughts can come out. I’ve hidden alot of things from people, ive hurt alot of friends, family, strangers. and now, before 2011 ends i want to say that i am truly sorry for all that i’ve caused. I hope that you and i can still be friends, family, strangers, whatever we are. and if not, then i hope you find your happiness and safe place and make the most of living.

so heres to 2012, may it bring us a new beginning, and wonderful year

-Morgan Day